~eviltsd

So I have not been updating anything on each sites I have everywhere. At least I updated some drawings… Yes, it is because I am so stupid that I am taking two extremely full of readings classes this semester, and yet I have a girlfriend.

Oh, no, I didn’t mean that you are doing me bad or anything. It is just sometimes I didn’t pay attention to you as much as to my works.

I am very confused sometimes. But that’s okay. Life is confusing anyway. I know, I know, I care too much about what will happen, but how can you not think about consequences anyway. Well, it’s all right. I am just letting it go anyhow it will be now. I guess.

I miss soy sauced steamed rice.

I miss Singapore too. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because of those fried chickens and especially the hot chili sauce they have in McDonald’s. Never mind, I am being weird for no reason.

There is this feeling of messing up. Already. For only the beginning of a semester, it sucks.

finally...

guess my drawings finally improved.

for some reason, i finally go back to use my little cute mechanical pencil, and i finally got some better drawings done.

i just dont really understand, how come teachers wont teach me something but a student does.

what a weird thing i found out.

maybe i should improve my illustration with a student's help too.

it didnt feel right when i talked to my parents about visit ur place. well, my dad said he will drive us to ur place, and i will take the train back. though, my mom acted a little weird. maybe it was just my weird feelings...

anyway, im up, dont know why so early.

I miss you.

But I was trying to not to do that, so I went out for hours and stayed outside for a pretty long time.

But than that made it worse.

And now I regretted because you seem like you already went to bed with you aim still on but in the away status. No fun. No more procrastination next semester, so that I will not be this bad shape next final. Craps. Still need to write for stupid paper and I still unable to decide the stupid topic.

I do not like that kind of silence, too. However, it was something that I am not able to handle yet. I am sorry, but I thought I should not say anything at that time. I was not able to say anything anyway. I know, I know. I am paranoid. I am ridiculous. I am self-conflicted.

I do not want to be selfish and I do not want to be someone else. However, I am not being myself lately, and I do not know how to control it.

If I say that I believe each person is just born to be alone…

I want to take a hot shower, and forget all the tears…

I have works to do.
If I just keep doing works, maybe it is going to be nothing after all.

I know, and I am sorry.

My tears do not taste good.